August 21, 2006

Wordplay

While clearing out my inbox I came across this. It dates back to last year, if not before and I think it may have originated (in part at least) from the Washington Post's Style Invitational. I thought it was good enough to save somewhere:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

11. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.

12. Karmageddon: Its like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer man.

13. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

14. Glibido: All talk and no action.

15. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

16. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

17. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

18. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

Posted by Steve at 11:59 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack | Technorati ()
Technorati tags: Tags: General: humour: words:


September 07, 2005

Sense of humour failure

Oh dear,

I've barely started exploring the "strange but true" / "wry sideways look at life" / "are people really that stupid" ... genre and I've annoyed someone already. So I guess I'm doing something right?

Athene Aquinas seems to have taken offence at the Everything you ever heard about Germans and deckchairs is true... post

"Hmm, I see you like Germans..." the resident of Munich moans. They've obviously got the hump.

Actually no. I don't like Germans. But nor do I dislike Germans either (go visit Spain if you want to meet people who SERIOUSLY don't like Germans). I'm totally neutral.

The account of the idiot who tried to get rid of the spiders with a D.I.Y flame-thrower would have been equally hilarious, whatever the nationality involved. Stupidity transcends state borders. So the fact that a German was involved is totally irrelevant.

But, like it or not, you have to accept that when it comes to sun-loungers by the pool then Germans have a certain reputation. And they can hardly complain if their behaviour reinforces the prejudice.

Was I "taking the Michael" for pointing this out? A note for the linguistically challenged... If you don't understand "taking the Michael" then go ask a friendly local Oirish-man. And assuming that he doesn't come from there in the first place, he can probably tell you some cracking tales about how stupid the folk are in Kerry. Other people's idiocy is a lingua franca after all.

So is this stereotyping? Only if you are so politically correct you really shouldn't be here in the first place. Or is it, to borrow from the Strine, "ripping the piss"? Yep, you've got the idea. If you haven't managed at least a little smirk or grimace then you obviously live in Germany and are suffering an acute sense of humour failure.

And as my correspondent wrote

> "Under that same logic, Americans would then be like Michael Jackson or was it Mike Tyson?"

Had they bothered to read rather than jump to conclusions, they might have got the impression that I think there are quite a few idiot Mercuns out there too. See the Cheeseburger in Caseville post for a prime example.

And if they really think we Brits can't laugh at ourselves they've obviously ignored, or missed the point of, Elspeth is right

Fear not. I promise I won't be horrid to Germans / Americans / (insert nationality to suit) in the next post. Unless you're from Belgium. Because it is their turn next. You know that old question about "how many famous Belgians can you name"? Most people can manage two (maybe).

I've got another 11 to add to the list. Though whether they'll want to be reminded about their place in the "Hall of Fame" is moot. But mockery is the best form of humour, after all.

Watch this space.

Posted by Steve at 12:11 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack | Technorati ()
Technorati tags: Tags: America: angry: Belgium: Caseville: cheeseburger: deckchair: fools: Germany: humour: Mercuns: Munich: pool: sad: Spain: spiders: Strine: stupid: towel:



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